I used to watch the ATP tour like a stalker. This was sometime from 2000 to 2002. The stalking was mainly because of a 6'-4" Russian with a killer two-handed backhand and temper with a very short fuse, usually taken out on rackets. Marat Safin. The name is short, potent, easy to enunciate and sounds militaristic.


What I like most about Marat is his volatility. He is as likely to dish out a 136 mph match point ace as he is getting eliminated in the first round. He could be playing the best tennis of his career and suddenly lose the last three sets after an altercation with the ump, or because of a rowdy fan of his opponent. Or he could drop his shorts after winning a point. He is so unpredictable... He got an anti-sports sloth like me watching ESPN. (Jessica Zafra describes him a whole lot better in her writing than I do...)


My disinterest in tennis comes in the form of a Swiss resident of Boresville. Roger Federer. That smug mutated Quentin Tarantino irks the hell out of me. He is such a good tennis player... it's actually sickening. He has zero charisma... I just wanna paint his face red and put a white cross on his forehead just to make him a tad more interesting than a tree stump. How many Grand Slam tournaments has he won? I stopped counting after the first one. Mr. wickedly perfect is a cyborg running on Techron.

Federer is the Chicago Bulls (circa a 23 - Michael Jordan) of tennis. He has held the ATP #1 slot for more than 3 years (nearly the length of my abstinence from tennis). Whereas Marat was only #1 for 9 weeks in 2000. I first saw Marat when he beat Pete Sampras' hairy ass in straight sets during the 2000 U.S Open. I was a fan ever since. After that win, rooting for Marat has been a lot like rooting for the Boston Red Sox. You are hopeful every Australian Open but eventually get depressed come Wimbledon and suicidal when the US Open starts. As far as Marat is concerned, I remain a devout Boston Red Sox fan awaiting the 2004 World Series with a total lunar eclipse on the night sky... and *psyche* Federer *psyche* *psyche* *psyche*!

I am watching tennis again. The Masters Cup in Shanghai. Of course the douche bag Federer is there. I never liked Nadal, like the French, I am offended by men wearing sleeveless shirts... too Midnight at the Roxbury. (Where did Ferrero go? I really missed a lot) I dunno why, but Nalbandian creeps me out. Roddick is too boy bandish (a friend of mine will shoot me if she reads this), well he is! Blake became bland when he lost the afro. I have no idea who Robredo is and Ljubicic is only mildly interesting.


Nikolay Davydenko. I am in love with another Russian tennis player. He is currently seeded at #3, and after watching a delayed telecast of his win over Hrbaty last night. I am an instant fan. He is skinny but a powerful server. His eyes on court are fierce and very prominent against his pale complexion. I have yet to watch more of his games to get a grasp of his playing style. He ran a lot attempting to return even the most dire dead net ball. He has excellent stamina and has ball placing ESP (haha... like my pseudo-tennis talk?)


He is no Safin. But he too is from Russia, also currently resides in Monte Carlo, Monaco and is equally unsuccessful on grass.

Hail Russian Tennis players!
Kill Defeat that Federer!

I wanna go to Monte Carlo...



Pics from:
Marat Safin Official Site
Nikolay Davydenko Official Site
ATP Site

Labels: idiot box, sports (yeah right), tennis