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Sarcasm Aside

random thoughts of a self-diagnosed neurotic with the attention span of a five-year old... a blog by Alternati

Aloha Koi

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

I believe it's humanly impossible to keep track of the names, work histories, food preferences, ex-lovers, current lovers, eccentricities and what-nots of 100+ people. The human brain can only store so much.


I got leid last Saturday...

...As in a hawaiian lei dummy. Clad in batik with prints of tropical flowers, dolphins and all things bright and sunny, I spent my Saturday in a luau themed paternal family reunion. It was fun catching up with aunts, uncles and cousins thrice removed. I sure was glad Icky, one of my close cousins, thought of nametags. I usually ignite a gazillion brain cells grappling for names of familiar familial faces. I once spent 30 minutes chatting with someone I had no recollection of meeting before... It was hard concocting generalized questions and answers... weather an current events usually work. But spending a half hour conversation with a stranger is nowhere near as difficult as spending a whole day with a bunch of blood relatives you know nothing about.

I knew about 25% of the people in the reunion, and by "knew" I mean I can tell you their names, the names of their spouses, their kids, where they work, where they live, how much homemade ice cream they can eat in an hour, etc. etc. Ok, ok... most of the guys and gals in this 25% are near and dear to my heart (awww... shucks... cue slow tear drop from my left eye)

I can remember the names of the other 50% without the aid of "Hi, my name is ___" tags.

However, the remaining 25% are complete and utter strangers. I usually look like a buffoon smiling and waiting for the relative stranger to initiate small talk... which usually ends in awkward silences... and then an excuse for a need to be somewhere else... and then later a visit to one of my cousins, a nudge and a "Who's that girl in the white dress that speaks Japanese?", "Oh"... and then twenty seconds later your Harajuku cousin's name eludes you again.

It was excruciatingly hot in Bulacan. A sauna, al fresco. The coldest least warm area in the resort was at the entrance porte cochere. This was my refuge... 20 minute interval smoking breaks amidst palmeras and swimming koi. Smoking seems to be in my paternal genes. Nearly everyone with lungs and fingers and a job to sustain the habit were smokers. We must contribute about 10% of the CO2 in the atmosphere and 25% of the gross annual income of Marlboro. It's sad really... I'd cry but my all my brain cells are focused on inhaling tobacco fumes and holding the cigarette, my tear ducts have been disconnected from my nervous system. I can only multi-task to a certain degree.

Dehydration aside... I had fun at the reunion. I would forget most of my relatives names again in next year's reunion, but I think the nametags would be a permanent fixture by then. I could make a genealogy... nah, it wouldn't be fun...

(I wonder how hawaiians can differentiate if someone is coming or going when they say aloha)

... Oh! And I'm temporarily changing my "summer song" to Sunburn by Sandwich... I'm so lovin the song right now. I'll return to my original "summer song" when this one has lost its potency. The original one was Rupert Holmes' Escape... "If you like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain..."

... Oh! And I was blogrolling and came upon a meme from Snglguy. It's The Thinking Blogger's Award... It's basically listing 5 blogs that force you to run the gears in your supposed brain. hehehe... I guess the five bloggers on my blogroll that make me go all Rodin and do this:


1. Snglguy - Inside the Mind of a Single Guy - I know I shouldn't return the tag but heck, when it comes to politics and current events, snglguy is my CNN. (He breaks the news more entertainingly than say Larry King)
2. BW - The Warped Zone - You get a Buddha-esque sensation after blogrolling to BW's blog. I consider him the semi-enlightened one. :)
3. Ann - Fighting Gravity - She's younger than me in earth years but older than me in blog years. She's really smart. I love Miss Monalisa's laid back blogging style.
4. Ferdz - En Route - Ferdz makes me think the country isn't as fucked up as we assume... Nothing resembling the Dante's seventh circle of hell could possibly have the landscapes Ferdz features in his blog. He also makes me think I'm a foreigner in my own country. I so wanna see Bataan.
5. Wil - Miskina Ano na Isip - Wil can make the most astute observation about things we often neglect/ overlook. His blogging style is very mellow. I can't come up with an accurate english translation of his blog's name... "Whatever will do, Brain"(?)

These bloggers (and many more from my blogroll) are responsible for frying a bulk of my brain cells. I dunno whether I should thank you or go all Hannibal and make your brains entrees. hmmm... Predicament, predicament...


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30, 3, 5, 5-7-5

Saturday, March 24, 2007

30 Rock
premiered on Starworld yesterday.

Jack Donaghy (Baldwin): Alfredo 2pm.
Liz Lemon (Fey): I'm not dressed for that.
Jack: You're dressed for Burger King. Should we make it Burger King?

(Liz borrows a pink suit from the wardrobe stylist)

Jack: That’s how you should dress for work, by the way.
Liz: Yeah, if I was president of the Philippines.
A cast of stand-up comedians, SNL alumni, and that girl that played Ally Mcbeal's secretary, quick and witty repartee, hemorrhoid cream... I love the show already.

3 words
that made my day yesterday

Basti Artadi is baaaack.

5 blogs (and my futile attempt at haikus)

A meme tag from Tin-tin (one of my fave posts of hers is Birthday Gift... clever. hehe)

The rules:
1. Choose five blogs randomly (I cheated, I chose) from your blogroll.
2. For each blog, choose at least one entry (you could add more) which is your favorite post by this blogger.
3. Include a link to this post and explain why you like it.
4. The chosen five bloggers are considered tagged and they will also have to do the same in their blogs. (I waive this rule. hehehe)

Don’t be too hung up on grammar or some writing technicalities, just choose for the simple reason that you enjoyed reading the entry - it made you laugh, shed tears, fuming mad, motivated, inspired - whatever your reasons are, you think it’s the blogger’s best post so far and could even make it to the list of the blogosphere’s all time favorites.

I. Pandemian

Tin can telephone
too much in awe to comment
What is pandemian?

alternative ways to die
Yes, apoplexy

Two, Ergophobia
eight things he wanted to be
Reasons why he won't

II. Random Thoughts
The Nashman, hobbit
four feet and fourteen inches?
Wicked hilarious

HHHN, ullk
Eight things I hate 'bout Paris
couples making out

Pee trajectory
Nashman Studies of Motion:
Viewer discretion

III. For Crying Out Loud

Yes... Talamasca
puts the "fun" in funeral
read: sardonic wit

TV-phile, What's up
with all the TV deaths? huh?
Ditto on Nello

Two, Anacondas:
the hunt for the bloody orchid
Haha... haha... ha

IV. Kat's Scribbles

Musings, motherhood
Music and mayhem... mmm-key?

New word: hellacious
Twenty four hours, Projectile
Vomiting and poop

Just a Slice of Life
Rockstar mom, Rockstar baby
Hi Mr. Froggy

V. Being Five

He's Georgie, He's five
A kid who can blog using
voice recognition

Thanksgiving dinner
Turkey, pumpkins, grandmothers
Paper, paper bag

Becky came over
Why'd he try to sneak a kiss?
Brangelina... Whap!


I'm off to Bulacan for the weekend. Happy weekend everyone! (Look at me all bright and chirpy... this soon shall pass)

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Delayed Reactions

Thursday, March 22, 2007

A.K.A. Stale blog entries that never were because I was underneath a shitload of work.

1. One "L", two "P"s and absolutely no "A"s (12 Mar 07)
So Rob and Amber, one of the best Amazing Racers ever (and a personal fave), got booted because they didn't know how to spell my dear country. And it didn't help at all that Mirna and Shmirna beat them for second to the last place. The irony is palpable. I'd laugh if it wasn't too painful.

2. I Need a Hiro (14 Mar 07)
The telecast of Heroes on Starworld is "Not Available in the Philippines" because RPN bought the rights as I've gathered from Talamasca. I've been just a day, a couple max, behind overseas telecast of the show up until the 18th episode. The 19th episode is as elusive as Claude and as inaccessible as Wireless. It wasn't after a couple of corrupt downloads and a lot (ok some) internet digging that I found out the reason there was no 19th episode on the internet black market because it hasn't even been aired yet. I have no idea why that is so, but the 19th friggin episode will air on April 23, the Independence Day of Israel (Hana Gittelman correlation anyone?)... also Shirley Temple's birth and Miguel Cervantes' death.

Spoiler Alert

3. A Rush of Blood to the Head (14 Mar 07)
I can't even begin to tell you how psyched I am after I heard Coldplay's fourth album is on the way. Guy Berryman told in an interview, the new album is gonna be edgier. I'm tingling with anticipation.

4. Photoless (17 Mar 07)
So I've nearly exceeded my Photobucket bandwidth according to an e-mail titled "Whoops". I didn't know I use up close to 10 GB of bandwidth a month. I don't even know what bandwidth is. It's such an odd word. Bandarea = bandwidth x bandlength. That is assuming band is a rectangle. Duh.

5. Who knew Al Gore was Funny (18 Mar 07)
I watched "An Inconvenient Truth". Aside from this part's title, I also realized I had faulty intel on Global Warming. It's one of those terms you pass around all too often but don't really understand (well me, at least) similar to other terms like bandwidth, the geometric oblong and of course, pneumono­ultra­micro­scopic­silico­volcano­coniosis, a word we can't live without in everyday conversation. (i.e. Manong! Ipacheck nyo po tambutso nyo! Parang na-pneumono­ultra­micro­scopic­silico­volcano­coniosis ako!) I am so far from what I was blogging about. Anyways... Yes , like Howling, the documentary scared the crap out of me... Imagine living in an actual Waterworld (Costner optional) without Polar Bears and Happy Feet... Scary! I don't think any of us are too dense to realize that Mother Nature has gone psycho, and we are the pesky critters that cause hey psychosis.
The cheesy soliloquys, the quasi-political agenda and inconvenience aside, this documentary was enlightening. You should watch it if you haven't yet.

6. I wonder what the Statistics say... (19 Mar 07)
About the Jeopardy three way tie. The probability is 1 in 25 million. Sheesh!


I was tagged with a meme by Tin-Tin ...one I am still working on. hehehe...

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13 Former Child Stars

Wednesday, March 14, 2007

So I missed my thirteenth post, again.

Anyways... I finally got to see Little Miss Sunshine last week. I haven't heard of the film pre-oscar nomination, and in my opinion, that's one of the good things about the Academy Awards, exposure for relatively unknown independent films. The film wasn't really as phenomenal as The Full Monty, yet another independent film that became famous post-Best Picture oscar nomination, but it was a relatively interesting film.
  • Like The Full Monty, they did the whole dancing thing at the end but it didn't end in a full monty.
  • I love combies (which they called a bus?). Very hippie-chic. And who knew they also did the push the car to jumpstart it maneuver in the first world. An eye-opener.
  • I love the underrated Toni Collette. I first fell in love with her acting in Cosi (1996), where she played a mentally ill patient/ cast mate of a production of a Mozart opera that went successfully awry. I absolutely adore her singing "Stand by Me".
  • Who knew Steve Carrell is attractive when he underacts.
  • This is the first film, I've seen, that showed a Nietzche cameo.
  • Although Alan Arkin was great as the blunt granddad/ non-breathing trunk baggage, I truly found, even if I hate to admit it, that Eddie Murphy deserved the Best Supporting Actor trophy more. For the first time in his long movie career, I found Murphy believable as opposed to his other roles: The nutty professor who talks to animals, and the talking Donkey of Shrek.
  • Those other Little Miss Sunshine contestants looked like brides of Chucky.
Abigail Dreslin was infectious and her supporting actress nomination was well deserved. I just hope that unlike most actors/ actresses nominated at her age, her career wouldn't die a natural death. She has potential.

She inspired my list for the month...

13 Former Child Stars
Tagline: "The sensation is like a 10-year high school reunion."

From a wide-eyed gradeschool student, to the mole with an unflattering Cindy Crawford "moley, moley, mole". The Wonder Years was a big show when I was a kid, and I always get reminded of it when I hear the Joe Cocker version of the Lennon-McCartney written and Ringo Starr sung "With a Little Help from my Friends". What I like about Fred Savage is his willingness to make fun of himself, he ain't cute anymore, but he is still very recognizable... (one of the banes of being a former child star, I guess)

From Charlie the Firestarter to one of Charlie's Angels. Ok, so Drew Barrymore's more popular movie as a kid was E.T. (as seen on the "then" shot) but i just couldn't resist the Charlie correlation. Who doesn't like Drew? Edgy, down-to-earth, foxy and vulnerable. My fave Drew movies include: Mad Love (1995), The Wedding Singer (1998), and Donnie Darko (2001, just a supporting role)... oh and yes, her character's brutal death in the first segment of Scream was ingenious! She was only seen for a few minutes in the movie, but that phone ring/ popcorn/ slasher scene became the mental summary of all Scream movies.

From being the most famous child star to a custody battle, doobie possession, a Michael Jackson case testimony, and a wedding/ divorce. Considering what Macaulay Culkin has been through, He is as normal as humanly possible. I think he's hot, in a Billy Chenowith kind've way. I like 'em dark and twisty.

From a head-turning girl, to a 48 year old head turner. First of all, I am gonna admit I'm a wuss. I couldn't bring myself to use a "possessed" image of Linda Blair in the "then" shot. Watching The Exorcist was no small feat for a child of 14. I wonder if people who meet her ever ask her to do a 360 degree owlish head turn.

From "I see dead people" to "I see a dead career". A victim of the premature oscar nomination. Sure Haley Joel Osment was good in The Sixth Sense and cute as Forrest Gump Jr. and the thing with creating a career dominated by goody two shoed roles is that the roles after multiple DUI charges would become slim pickings. Plus, he didn't age gracefully... this once relatively cute ghost whisperer just looks odd now.

From boy to boy wonder. Just like The Harry Potter movies, Daniel Radcliffe becomes less GP as the sequel number increases. And unlike number 5, he aged quite gracefully. I am envious of Radcliffe because Gary Oldman, THE Gary Oldman taught him how to play the bass guitar.

From Whale Rider to knocked-up donkey rider. Keisha Castle Hughes was phenomenal in her Yentl-ish role as Paikea Apirana in The Whale Rider, and became the youngest actress ever nominated for the Academy Best Actress Award. Her last film, which I haven't seen, was The Nativity Story. New Zealand's got talent, Anna Paquin (Rogue of the X-men movies), also a child star from the country, won Best Supporting Actress for The Piano when she was 11 years old.

From Addams to Eve-ryone's favorite versatile actress, well mine at least. I can honestly say, I love and will love any movie Christina Ricci is in. From her early movies like Mermaids and Now & Then (Even Casper), to the more mature Prozac Nation, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Buffalo 66, Anything Else, Pumpkin, Monster, etc. etc. etc. Even her TV credits for Ally Mcbeal and her guest appearance in Grey's Anatomy were phenomenal.

From then to then. There isn't much physical change if you study closely. Still the same Mr. Burns-ish body frame and the same pre-puberty look. Neil Patrick Harris was the first blogger I've ever known. Well, the Sex and the City-ish journal he kept in Doogie Howser, MD is close enough to a blog. His comedic roles in film and TV are hilarious. He knows he's white, he knows he's puny and he makes the most out of it in his roles and choice of roles. He came out of the closet in 2006.

From Full House to a pair of drama queens. What the Olsen Twins lack in acting ability, they make up for in marketing skills. They are rich. But if you wanna see what growing up in the public eye results in, I give you exhibit 10.

From Hocus Pocus to an American Beauty. Thora Birch is an amazing actress who acted alongside #9 in Purple People Eater and #8 in Now and Then. I've just read from a fairly unreliable source (Wikipedia) that both her parents were porn stars and that she was named after the norse god of thunder... well duh, just add the "a".

From The Never Ending Story to a bitter end. Jonathan Brandis was my image of Bastian Bux. When I was young(er), I was mesmerized by Fantasia (not the American Idol), by the Childlike Empress, even by Xayida, but most especially by Falkor the luckdragon. Brandis passed away in 2003 due to injuries from a suicide attempt.

From Vicki to where is she? Tiffany Brissette played Vicki Lawson, a robot/ daughter in Small Wonder, a huge sitcom in the late 80's. Aside from the obvious instances of illegal child abuse (physical labor, sleeping upright in a closet) I loved this show. It had the look and feel of a typical American sitcom at the time: white picket fences, background laughter, irritating neighbors... Ms. Brissette was last seen singing on the 700 club. Pat Robertson scares the bejezuz out of me.

Abigail, If you happen to stumble on my blog (As if!). Learn from these former child stars. Stay away from Xanax, unflattering moles, stage parents, the 700 club, drunk driving and Paris Hilton.

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Book Two, I: Many Meetings

Sunday, March 11, 2007

It's been a while since I had a meme on my to-do list. This one is courtesy of Snglguy.

Who is the first blogger you met?
Aside from my pre-blog friends who blog once in a blue moon (Jackie, Ely and Vic), the first blogger I met was Jessica Zafra (a book signing), I have met Carlos Celdran on an Intramuros outing before her, but I didn't really share a long enough conversation with him to consider it a "meeting". Now that I actually think about it, I might have met dozens of people who blog without my knowledge... with aliases and all.

Who is the blogger ‘You Most Want to Meet’?
Marat Safin (ok, ok, so it was only a week long blog, but quality over quantity, eh?)
...oh and James Mcavoy if he has one.

Who is the ‘I can meet, want to meet, but somehow never got to meet’ blogger?
None really, Most of the bloggers I wanna meet are either an ocean apart or as busy/ lazy as I am.

Who are the group of bloggers that you most want to meet?
Shonda Rhimes and her posse of writers, not really a lot of group blogs on my blogroll.

Do you have any bloggers/blog readers that you would like to meet right now?
Oohh, I would love to:
  1. Accompany En on her next ultrasound, Grimm's Fairy Tales optional.
  2. Share a yosi break with Snglguy and talk politics and/or see the Screw Master.
  3. Gatecrash in one of Kat's gigs with the now bassist-less Plastiq Passion, I'd babysit Rockstar Baby of course... I'm immune to vampires. :P
  4. Be knighted by His Royal Orangeness, Karl Willem, with The Nashman's and PA/PR Gromit's blessing of course.
  5. Spend a week, yes a week!, at the movies with Talamasca.
  6. Get an IV induced adrenalin rush courtesy of my fave nurse, Howling.
  7. Tailgate on one of Ferdz' treks.
  8. Learn photography from clicking extraordinaires, Abaniko, Sidney and Iskoo.
  9. Spend A.S.S. with Verns.
  10. Do set designs for Chase.
  11. Get a Hula 101 course from Rho and J.
  12. Get guitar lessons from Will.
  13. Know a thing or two about RSS Feeds, pageranking and website whatnots from Shari.
  14. Just hang out with Tani.
  15. Share a giant bowl of buffalo wings with BW.
  16. Freshen up on my less than mediocre German with che. The only phrase I know now, aside from pleasantries, is Rauchen Verboten.
  17. Mourn with Tin-tin over her phone that went kaput.
... to name a few.

There! Another meme done. No tags... If you wanna do it, you have my blessing.

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I Rock!... not in Iraq

Thursday, March 08, 2007

I'm in a rut... an emotional downward spiral, a depressive vortex, a putrid pothole of my own devise... whatever you wanna call it... I'm in one. It's just one of those phases I go through sporadically that not even Jon Stewart or Conan O'Brien or a Chris Farley movie can get me out of.

Anyways, talking about it only makes it worse. Enough bout me. How have you been? I hope the weather is fairer on your side of the moodsphere.

I got my passport renewed last week and I was flabbergasted by this stamp on page 2 of my green pasaporte...

So Iraq doesn't really enter the list of "places I wanna visit before I die", so this is just odd. It's like getting denied a job you didn't want in the first place. However slightly appealing visiting the cradle of civilization was, now, it just became pointless A.D. (after discovery of this stamp) Now, I look at Mesopotamia as just a piece of land shaped like a deformed crescent moon surrounded by two rivers. This blogger won't be drowning in the Tigris and Euphrates... I'm gonna pick a more dramatic body of water. Red Sea? It may be the only lake I'll float in. The Niagara Falls? too predictable. Pasig River? ick. A drum acting as an impluvium in our backyard? Perfect! Nothing like collected rain water in your lungs when they do my autopsy. Dried leaves optional.

Anyways, the stamp prompted me to make this mental list:
  1. Don't come knocking on my door offering me an all expense trip to Iraq because some beloved shah is in need of a (insert donatable(?) organ here) transplant, and I, considering the billions of people in the world, am the only viable candidate. Please honey... keep on walking.
  2. What? They discovered a prehistoric animal hide with my name printed legibly on it? And they say its the key to fully understanding the Mesopotamians? Let them wallow in their questions and their unquenchable curiousity... I ain't talking unless you bring the hide to the third world.
  3. Say, the son of some personality there collects Marvel trading cards... He is only missing a single card, say a Cable card from the '94 Fleer Ultra Set (which I happen to have)... he can offer me 5 barrels of oil and what will I say... all together now... buhbye...
  4. I have the only remaining Marlboro gold stick in the whole wide world and the shah wants a puff... let's just say I'd rather see it soak in a cup of coffee than let him have it.
  5. [Rrrriinnng]... Hello?... Who's this?... Will you stop calling me about the animal hide with my name on it?... It's for me to know and you to stop harassing me with your silly questions... [click]
Ok, I am not totally deluded. I think I am aware why I'm not, what's the word... yes, valid, to go to Iraq. I feel like a maxed out credit card. I didn't know "valid" applied to people in this day and age.

Oh well, I still have 192 countries I'm "valid" to go to.
Stick that up yours Iraq.

(It's the rut talkin' I tell ya)

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