(lashing a whip simultaneously)

After being tormented by a friend of mine, who saw the movie several days before I did, with chants of "spider pig, spider pig...", I did what any self respecting Simpson fan would do... I saw the movie the moment free time peeked its elusive head.

Nome and a dooohme, a scissor lift and cocoa, the actual geographic location of Springfield, Homer finally overcoming that canyon...
I was thoroughly satiated by the movie. *sigh*



It's only proper to do a Simpsons 13th list. Here are...

13 Simpsonized Celebrities
(and then some...)

The first celebrity to ever be credited "himself" in the show was Tony "I Left my Heart in San Francisco" Bennett. I couldn't find a yellowed image of him online... so I picked these guys instead.



EDIT: Bush Sr. didn't actually "guest" in the show...





Ok, The Real List....

Lisa: So, Maggie's not a genius?
Cowell: She could be, at sweeping up hair.
Homer gets angry.
Homer: That's my baby jerk.
Homer punches Simon.
Cowell: Ow! You call that a punch? I felt it. But it was like so what!
Homer punches him again.
Cowell: Ooh! Again with the nose. I have a chin you know.



(Mulder and Scully watch Homer jogging on a treadmill)
Mulder: Wait a minute Scully, what's the point of this test?
Scully: No point. I just thought he could stand to lose a little weight.
Mulder: His jiggling is almost hypnotic!
Scully: Yes. It's like a lava lamp.



Mick Jagger: Welcome to Rock n' Roll Fantasy Camp, where you'll experience the complete rock n' roll lifestyle, without the lawsuits and STDs.
Homer: Wooo! STDs!




Lisa: Look! It's J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books! You've turned a generation of kids onto reading.
Rowling: Thank you, young muggle.
Lisa: Can you tell me what happens at the end of the series?
Rowling: He grows up and marries you. Is that what you want to hear?
Lisa: Yes…




Corgan: Hey cannonball, I like your statement: when life takes a cheap shot at you, you stand your ground. Billy Corgan, Smashing Pumpkins.
Homer: Homer Simpson, smiling politely




Hawking: Your theory of a donut shaped universe is intriguing Homer, I may have to steal it.
Homer: Wow, I can't believe someone I never heard of is hanging out with a guy like me.




White: I love the sexy slither of a lady snake.




Paul: Linda and I both feel strongly about animal rights. In fact, if you play "Maybe I'm Amazed" backwards, you'll hear a recipe for a really ripping lentil soup.
Lisa: When will all those fools learn that you can be perfectly healthy simply eating vegetables, fruits, grains and cheese.
Apu: Oh, cheese!
Lisa: You don't eat cheese, Apu?
Apu: No I don't eat any food that comes from an animal.
Lisa: Ohh, then you must think I'm a monster!
Apu: Yes indeed I do think that. But, I learned long ago Lisa to tolerate others rather than forcing my beliefs on them. You know you can influence people without badgering them always. It's like Paul's song, "Live and Let Live".
Paul: Actually, it was "Live and Let Die".
Apu: Well, whatever, whatever. it had a good rhythm.




Hawk: Homer, you're heading for parental face plant! Do a 180 emotional ollie.
Homer: Finally, someone explains it to me in words I can understand!


Hope: (Entertaining troops) Hi I'm Bob "what the hell am I doing in Springfield" Hope. Hey, this mayor Quimby, he's some golfer. His ball spends more time underwater than Greg Louganis.

(P.S. I don't get the joke either...)




(On the way to school, Otto stops the bus and offers Metallica a ride; their tour bus has broken down.)
Otto: So what are you waiting for? Hop in.
James Hetfield: (Chuckles) Hop in what?
(The school bus peels away with Bart at the wheel.)
Bart: Look at me, I'm Otto! I'm a hundred years old and I drive a school bus!
Otto: Oh, man. Maybe me and Metallica can go splitsies on a cab.
(Hans Moleman slowly drives by in a pickup truck, with Metallica and their gear in the bed of the truck.)
Kirk Hammett: Hey, loser, we got a ride from a real fan!
Hans Moleman: I used to sleep with Lars' grandmother.
Robert Trujillo: Never listen to our music again!
(Hans Moleman pulls away as Metallica plays an instrumental from the song, "Master of Puppets.")




Leonard Nimoy: (appraising the monorail) I'd say this vessel could do at least warp 5.
Mayor Quimby: Yes, and may I say, "May the Force be with you."
Leonard Nimoy: annoyed) Do you even know who I am?
Mayor Quimby: I think I do. Aren't you one of the Little Rascals?




Billie Joe Armstrong: We've been playing for three and a half hours, and now we'd like to take a minute of you time to say something about the environment.
(The Springfieldians start booing & throwing garbage)

(And then the stage is upended... sinks... and Green Day does that Titanic violin thing.... hilarious!!!)




Honorable Mentions
Let's see how many you can recognize...






That was fun, no? Here's another one... Trying naming the album covers The Simpsons parodied.













Left: Nevermind (Nirvana)
Middle: Born in the USA (Bruce Springsteen)
Right: Abbey Road (The Beatles)






I dunno which confirmed guest appearance I'm more anxious to see... Amy Winehouse or Jon Stewart. Predicament... predicament...










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Labels: area 13, blah (3x), geek am i

There is one mystery that is more interesting than UFOs and crop circles. One mystery that has puzzled mankind more than Stonehenge or the Pyramids of Giza. A single mystery that makes Bigfoot a pathetic fur ball, the Abominable Snowman a freezing fur ball, and the Bermuda Triangle a mere polygon. One unexplained phenomena that makes the question "What is the purpose of our existence?" seem trite...







Where do missing socks go?
(Sung ala the cocaine diva)




Abstract: No matter how cautious you are, a sock (or several socks) will, without an iota of doubt, get lost in laundry translation.

With 20-something years of experience and a handy Google toolbar, several theories have shed some light on the question.


ONE: The Sock Burglar
Not as infamous as the hamburglar. The actual reason for his going all Ocean's 11 12 13 on our socks remains as big a mystery as how and when he performs his "looting". Some say it's a compulsion, others say it's a creepy collection. However, several distinguished missing sock theorists have narrowed the sock thievery down to the possibility of a future human society with socks as currency.




TWO: The Sock Fairy
Not as infamous as the Tooth Fairy. Like the Tooth Fairy, the Sock Fairy enters human residences at night and collects socks... However, unlike the Tooth Fairy, the bastard is insanely cheap.



THREE: Abduction
This is a theory I have been working on. With the recent astronomers' mutiny against Pluto, irate Plutonians have resorted to abducting socks by bulk, transporting them and affixing the knitted footwear to their planets with super glue in the vain hope that an increase in the mass of their "dwarf" planet can make astronomers reconsider their reinstitution into planethood.




FOUR: The Borrowers
Mythical tiny people that borrow things from people. The extremely discreet race was first documented by Mary Norton. They probably use socks as sleeping bags or something.




FIVE: Puppethood
Lamb Chop inspired socks to go to Hollywood or run for office.




SIX: Washing Machine Vortex
With all that spinning inside the machine, some socks are bound to find a rip in the space-time continuum. Quantum Mechanics (*yawn*) has been used to explain the possibility of this phenomena. Read here (*yawn*) for more... including equations like:
N_t =N₀*exp(-pt) ^(1)
(wtf?)




SEVEN: Evolution
Where is Darwin when I need him...




EIGHT: Animation
"On the eight day, man created socks out of his own image and likeness..."




NINE: Backpacking
"... and once the socks had been given legs and a passport, they traveled to Paris, New York and the Bahamas"




TEN: Cannibalism
In 9 out of 10 documented cases, only one sock goes missing. Sociologists have often theorized that socks are cannibalistic by nature. In every sock pairing, one is considered "dominant". Ergo, while in a hamper or while spinning inside a dryer, the dominant sock devours it's partner similar to a praying mantis after mating.




THIRTEEN: Private Investigation
Missing socks need to be found, and the sock community has long been fed up by the futility of the human race. They have decided to put matters into their own hands. The emergence of Sock P.I.'s like Terrence M. Cotton has brought renewed hope in finding the missing socks.

Labels: area 13, blah (3x), geek am i

Cue flashback music.

For as long as I can remember, I've always had an ardent interest in riddles. The first riddles, or semblance of riddles, ever presented to me came in the form of an IQ test. My parents were in the process of enrolling me in kindergarten. A couple of grey habited nuns led me and a dozen other kids into a library whose shelves have been moved to the walls to accomodate a grid of desks and chairs. Each desk had a long white folder and a #2 Mongol pencil. We were instructed to sit, open the folders and answer sheets of mimeograph paper with symbols on them. The questions were in the "What figure comes next" format and, although I didn't know then, they are supposed to measure mental capabilities like logic, spatial analysis, etc. I finished the test in record time. I dunno what my scores were then, but I got in to kindergarten.

I've always felt my brain is tweaked, like my mom dropped me when I was an infant or something. I can commit a grade school friend's phone number to memory and still write it down now even if that friend has moved abroad and the line has been disconnected. I can absorb useless trivia and totally irrelevant information. I can generally grasp concepts easily. But for some obscure reason, I can't remember if a friend who I visit frequently lives in "old site" or "new site". I can't memorize which of the pin or the amount comes first when you pass cellphone load.

In highschool, I met and became close with relatives from planet Nerdnia. It was a real comfort... not to know that I wasn't mentally imbalanced, but to know that many are mentally imbalanced as well. ( :P )

Anyways... stop the flashback music.





I stumbled upon Notpron when I was random bloghopping. I haven't encountered anything resembling it online. It is an online riddle created by a smart (and I must add, cute) german named David Muennich. It basically presents you with a picture and some overt and hidden clues testing your skills in ciphering, logic, math, chemistry, music, programming, image manipulation, etc (and by etc, I mean your knowledge of german chocolate brands can also be tested... hehe) The aim is to get a password that you place in the URL which allows you to go to the next level. It can get extremely difficult especially in the later levels but it is also extremely addictive. I finished all the positive 86 levels and got as far as 34 in the minus levels (with the aid of help forums!), I haven't finished it cause the author decided to make players pay to play (rhyme?) the final levels... which I think sucks.




The current online riddle I'm working on is the Tim Tang Test. The creator of the riddle is Tim Nicolas Tang. He is intelligent, uber friendly, and can be the most annoying person in the world when he responds to your queries about a level with more cryptic answers. It takes on the format of Notpron, a pioneer of this type of game, but riddles of the TTT are usually more logical and more interesting.

I am now on level 89 and eternally stuck! It is a level on music... I love listening to music, but I haven't the slightest idea about it's technical side... well until now that is. This puzzle makes you read up on things you wouldn't even consider picking up in a book store. I have learned a thing or two about astronomy and computer programming because of some of its levels.

If interested you can start here. I must warn you however that there is a high risk of losing sleep and losing a chunk of your sanity. If you do wish to undertake the riddle, do not look for spoilers because as their name implies, it spoils the whole riddling experience. Tim however has set up a TTT account on Facebook with a forum for the discussion of these riddles when you're stuck. You can access it here, but I think you need to create an account before you can join the discussions. I am currently the PM Officer for levels 43-49. So if you ever get that far I'd be able to dish out hints.






The picture is of a tesseract I made in one of the Notpron levels. I know the craftsmanship is horrid but I did solve that level with that. hehehe


The title is the riddle of Bilbo Baggins which allowed him to "win" the One Ring from Gollum.









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Labels: blah (3x), flashback music please, geek am i

Do you:

1. Watch too much TV?
   
2. Like every single Marvel character Stan Lee created?
3. Love comics and comic book art?
4. Like how they "humanized" Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins?
5. Find Milo Ventimiglia's crooked smile sexy?
6. Think Ali Larter is hot?
   

You'd probably love this show to the very core of your being:


Heroes takes the formula used in recent Spiderman movies and perfected in Batman Begins... superheroes as relatable people sans yellow tights and "Holy haberdashery, Batman!" catch phrases.

If there is one thing I hate about living in the third world... It's TV show retardation.
The Simpsons - four seasons late
Lost - one season late
Grey's Anatomy - one season late
Project Runway - one season late
Veronica Mars - one season late
Ugly Betty (aka the American Betty La Fea) - still unaired
Heroes - still unaired, although the influx of excellent reviews in the www and the raves of my friends abroad, and some blogger pals (kat) who are fans of the show made me wanna watch it months before normal delayed telecasts.


This is the reason why us hardcore couch potatoes are thankful for the following things:
DBDs (B as in bootleg)
"Applewire"
Shareaza (a recent discovery of mine)


Please turn back now if you find geeks appalling.

Don't say I didn't warn you.


NBC sums the show up as "an epic drama that chronicles the lives of ordinary people who discover they possess extraordinary abilities." Heroes features an ethnically diverse cast similar to Lost whose characters are/will be interconnected... and also like Lost, the show thrives on cliffhangers AND eye candy for the boyses and the girlses. The early episodes of the show where the numerous characters are discovering and mastering their talents is reminiscent of Smallville. [Spoiler Alert]



The Heroes

Matt Parkman, The Policeman, Los Angeles
Think of him as a pudgier Jean Grey without the red hair and the love triangle with Cyclops and Wolverine (Ability: telepathy)
Humanized: Feelings of inadequacy, a rocky marriage
The Actor: Greg Grunberg, one of the most charismatic actors (always with supporting roles) I know and adore. He was in Felicity and Alias.

Hiro Nakamura, The Comic Relief, Tokyo
Think of him as a cuter, anime-ish Mother Askani or Fitzroy (Ability: time travel, teleportation)
Humanized: wide-eyed naivete, language barriers
The Actor: Masi Oka, you've probably seen him in Austin Powers in Goldmember as the japanese tourist who delivered the Godzilla copyright line. I don't think I've ever seen a japanese actor with a main role in any American TV show yet... It's refreshing. And, he also worked as a CGI artist before acting.

Claire Bennet, The Cheerleader who must be saved, Texas
Think of her as a blonde female Wolverine without the hairy chest and adamantium claws (Ability: regeneration)
Humanized: An adopted daughter, struggling with teenhood (acne, schoolwork and cliques are bad enough... try adding invinsibility to the mix)
The Actress: Hayden Panettiere was adorable in Remember the Titans and as the long lost donated egg/ daughter of Ally Mcbeal.

Peter Petrelli, The Dreamer, NYC
Think of him as a less volatile Rogue with the sexiest crooked smile. (Ability: Power Mimicry)
Humanized: Door mat tendencies, being "the other brother"
The Actor: Milo Ventimigla (I just love how his name is uttered) was in Gilmore Girls and was Rocky Balboa, Jr. (Never saw a Rocky movie after the first one)

Nathan Petrelli, The Politician, NYC
Think of him as Superman without the cape and the physical super strength, but with a mafia money run political campaign. (Ability: Flight)
Humanized: Guilt for his wife's permanent attachment to a wheelchair, extra-marital affairs
The Actor: Adrian Pasdar was in Top Gun (never saw it) and he has such a picture perfect smile... it must be special effects.

Mohinder Suresh, The Geneticist, India
Think of him as a non-bald, non-handicapped, non-telepathic Professor X (Ability: None)
Well he does have the ability to track the "heroes" with an algorithm his deceased father invented.
The Actor: Sendhil Ramamurthy has such a pristine voice, every enunciated syllable resonating.

Niki Sanders (aka Jessica), The Modern Mom, Las Vegas
Think of her as a blonde, non-green female Incredible Hulk. (Ability: Superhuman Strength)
Humanized: Split personality disorder ala Dr. Jekyl and Mr Hide, making ends meet, a missing husband, a son
The Actress: Who could forget Ali Larter in the first two gory Final Destination movies?

Micah Sanders, The Kid Genius, Las Vegas
Think of him as a pint-sized... (insert appropriate X-men hear) say Cable (barely) with the most adorable curly hair. (Ability: Technopathy, e.g. he can withdraw cash from an ATM by merely touching it)
Humanized: having his mom, Niki, arrested for murder and framing his father, D.L. (talk about a rocky childhood)
The Actor: Noah Gray-Cabey is an actual genius, he started playing the piano when he was eighteen months old (Gawd, I was barely able to do Integral Calculus at that age)

D.L. Hawkins, The Fugitive, Las Vegas
Think of him as a bald Kitty Pride/ Shadowcat. (Ability: Phasing, he can walk through one foot thick walled jail cells)
Humanized: see his wife, Niki, and son, Micah.
The Actor: Leonard Roberts, he had a season long role as a member of the Initiative in Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

Isaac Mendez, The Painter, NYC
Think of him as a hot latino version of the Oracle (The Matrix) who eyes go pupil-less ala Storm when he invokes his powers. (Ability: Animal magnetism, rawr!... errr... Precognition)
Humanized: heroin addiction, artistic passion
The Actor: Santiago Cabrera is a middle child... We're so MFEO, don't you think?

Simone Deveaux, The Lucky Girl who gets to make out with both Peter AND Isaac, NYC
(Ability: None) nuf said.

Of course, there's still HRG (Horn-Rimmed Glasses) aka Mr. Bennet and his sidekick, The Haitian. And numerous other characters (which could have made this post go on and on and on...)

If you read this post, Congratulations! You've successfully seen me transformed from this:












to this:











An excellent achievement (insert forced smile) Woo Hoo!


Perhaps Comic Book Guy is my Jessica Sanders? Gawd, I hope not... he has receding hair.


Speaking of The Simpsons Characters, here's a classic from the extremely uninformed Chief Wiggum:



"Some Chinese people claimed they were celebrating New Year's... in February!!! ... good food though"

Happy Chinese New Year Everyone! Hope the Fire Pig brings everyone good health and success.

Labels: blah (3x), geek am i, idiot box