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Sarcasm Aside

random thoughts of a self-diagnosed neurotic with the attention span of a five-year old... a blog by Alternati

I Rock!... not in Iraq

Thursday, March 08, 2007

I'm in a rut... an emotional downward spiral, a depressive vortex, a putrid pothole of my own devise... whatever you wanna call it... I'm in one. It's just one of those phases I go through sporadically that not even Jon Stewart or Conan O'Brien or a Chris Farley movie can get me out of.

Anyways, talking about it only makes it worse. Enough bout me. How have you been? I hope the weather is fairer on your side of the moodsphere.

I got my passport renewed last week and I was flabbergasted by this stamp on page 2 of my green pasaporte...

So Iraq doesn't really enter the list of "places I wanna visit before I die", so this is just odd. It's like getting denied a job you didn't want in the first place. However slightly appealing visiting the cradle of civilization was, now, it just became pointless A.D. (after discovery of this stamp) Now, I look at Mesopotamia as just a piece of land shaped like a deformed crescent moon surrounded by two rivers. This blogger won't be drowning in the Tigris and Euphrates... I'm gonna pick a more dramatic body of water. Red Sea? It may be the only lake I'll float in. The Niagara Falls? too predictable. Pasig River? ick. A drum acting as an impluvium in our backyard? Perfect! Nothing like collected rain water in your lungs when they do my autopsy. Dried leaves optional.

Anyways, the stamp prompted me to make this mental list:
  1. Don't come knocking on my door offering me an all expense trip to Iraq because some beloved shah is in need of a (insert donatable(?) organ here) transplant, and I, considering the billions of people in the world, am the only viable candidate. Please honey... keep on walking.
  2. What? They discovered a prehistoric animal hide with my name printed legibly on it? And they say its the key to fully understanding the Mesopotamians? Let them wallow in their questions and their unquenchable curiousity... I ain't talking unless you bring the hide to the third world.
  3. Say, the son of some personality there collects Marvel trading cards... He is only missing a single card, say a Cable card from the '94 Fleer Ultra Set (which I happen to have)... he can offer me 5 barrels of oil and what will I say... all together now... buhbye...
  4. I have the only remaining Marlboro gold stick in the whole wide world and the shah wants a puff... let's just say I'd rather see it soak in a cup of coffee than let him have it.
  5. [Rrrriinnng]... Hello?... Who's this?... Will you stop calling me about the animal hide with my name on it?... It's for me to know and you to stop harassing me with your silly questions... [click]
Ok, I am not totally deluded. I think I am aware why I'm not, what's the word... yes, valid, to go to Iraq. I feel like a maxed out credit card. I didn't know "valid" applied to people in this day and age.

Oh well, I still have 192 countries I'm "valid" to go to.
Stick that up yours Iraq.

(It's the rut talkin' I tell ya)

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posted by Alternati, 11:01 PM

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