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Sarcasm Aside

random thoughts of a self-diagnosed neurotic with the attention span of a five-year old... a blog by Alternati

13 Villains I Root For

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I barely made my 13 post for the 13th day of this month...


I've always found myself secretly rooting for the antagonists in a book I read or a movie I watch. Most plots are follow the "the good guy always wins" scenario, and villains being the underdog require a secret pep squad. The villains before were one-dimensional, they were pure evil. Their only purpose in life was to destroy the protagonist or at the very least humiliate him out of the super hero business so that they could conquer the world, or whatever it is a villain would do on a regular Wednesday.

Villains now have been given a new dimension. There are still those that are purely sinister but often come in a nice looking package, a great suit and an english accent. Kevin Spacey, in my opinion, plays the best villains (pretend he didn't do Lex Luthor). He was awesome in The Usual Suspects and Se7en. He can say "what's up doc?" and can still give me goosebumps. Gary Oldman comes as a close second. Take movies like Leon (The Assassin), The Fifth Element and Dracula.

I never had a thing for villains that turn good... prideless fiends! I do however like heroes that decide to take "the dark path", usually after some traumatic loss. Darth Vader.

There are plots where the hero-villain line is blurred just enough to make you think. Edward Norton in Primal Fear plays an innocent convict with a murderous split personality. He makes you really believe until they pull the carpet from underneath you and reveal he doesn't have a split personality. Face-off, Travolta a hero, Cage a villain... plastic surgery... Travolta the bad guy, Cage the good guy... another plastic surgery. Travolta comes out alive.

There are also amoral villains that don't intend to be bad but don't intend to be good either. Gollum deserved an Oscar for his performance in LOTR.

I've listed some of the villains I identify with in one way or another. Here are:

13 Villains I Root for

Hannibal Lecter
Who can forget "Hello Clarice"? My experience of Hannibal ended with Silence of the Lambs. I didn't wanna risk losing what I liked about him by watching the other two movies or understanding more about him in Thomas Harris' books. I'd like to think he was born very intelligent with a creepy voice and a liking for human brain. Anthony Hopkins is beyond words. Plus, Hannibal got away. Bad Guys:1 Good Guys:0

Sideshow Bob
After I watched that Simpsons episode where he framed Krusty the Klown, I had nightmares. I was about 12 years old. I realized then that not all cartoons are for kids, and that I'll have an addiction for this show. He is eloquent, usually brilliant and has bad luck with rakes. Kelsey Grammer's voice is perfect. With his intelligence, I can never seem to comprehend why his plans are always foiled by two kids. Note to villains: Study child psychology.

Yes, the Jaws shark has a name. Thanks to Bruce I've been eternally mortified of deep water and shark fins. Although I'm skeptical that sharks can actually jump that high out of the water, I stay away from the edges of floating vehicles when I can. I didn't want The Orca to sink but I did wish Richard Dreyfuss should have at least let the shark eat his leg, Bruce was just probably starving.

Inky, Pinky, Blinky and Clyde
Why they are chasing Pacman, I don't really know. Why they suddenly become protein source when Pacman eats the big yellow dots at the corners, I don't know either. These "ghosts" are endearing. I love it when they make Pacman disappear (especially when I'm not the one holding the controls). This is arguably the best game ever made for the arcade.

Lord Voldemort
Tom Marvolo Riddle is another good guy turned bad. Man, he looked gruesome in The Goblet of Fire, although my image of him when I read the book was a lot scarier. The fourth Harry Potter book was the first one I read. It would've been fun having J.K. Rowling as a mom and having her tell these scary stories at bedtime. What is it about a british accent that makes it an effective villainous voice? Ralph Fiennes does He-who-must-not-be-named's voice in the recent movies. I have a gut feeling Harry will be die in Book 7.

The Martians from Mars Attacks!
There is something sinisterly satisfying with seeing the fictional disintegration of the Eiffel Tower, Taj Mahal and such landmarks. The martians look funnier than they do menacing especially when they talk in their high pitched yaks. Seeing Sarah Jessica Parker's head on a dog was reason enough for me to see the movie. In case such martians do attack, I have an mp3 of Slim Whitman's "Indian Love Call"... just in case. Note to villains: Buy a zillion ear-muffs.

The Wicked Queen
Vanity takes on a regal figure with extra long eyelashes. Snow White is such a hapless and helpless heroine. The Wicked Queen should have picked on a more challenging nemesis, not one that sings "Whistle while you Work" with squirrels. It would have been a more exhilirating movie if the Wicked Queen was jealous of Ursula. Imagine the things these two would have done to each other. Note to villains: Beauty is only skin deep, youth is transient and never listen to a talking mirror.

The Joker
There are many portrayals of the Joker. But, Jack Nicholson's is the one that clearly sticks to my memory, especially that scene where they were vandalizing a museum. Anyone who can get away with green hair and an eggplant suit deserves my utmost support. I also wanted to include Jack as Jack Torrance but I haven't seen The Shining yet and all I know about the movie is the infamous "Heeere's Johnny!"

The Nazgul
Nine Ringwraiths. These hooded horsemen scared the heck out of me, especially when operatic music accompanies their movement. The sniffing. The horsehooves. The movie did the scariness of the ringwraiths in the LOTR books justice. However, the Nazgul were scarier when theny were on horseback rather than when they were on those dragon-like thingies. Their shrieks really affect your body when the volume is set just right. Man, I'd love to have these nine as bodyguards. Sauron had it all, for someone really powerful, why did he just have one eye guarding his empire? Note to villains: Add more eyes.

The Wicked Witch of the West
Anyone who has a green face... I never got what the ruby red slippers can do from the Judy Garland The Wizard of Oz. The only magic I saw it do was to take Dorothy back to her home, and they are unsightly. Why the WWotW covets it must be privy only to her and her winged monkeys. And what a terrible weakness WWotW has. Who said a little bit of rain didn't kill anybody didn't know the WWotW. M Night Shyamalan must have tapped into this weakness when he made Signs. Note to villains: Buy water resistant black frocks.

Agent Smith
I remember watching the first Matrix movie and being blown away. The movie bombarded you with information and left those who couldn't catch up with the plot senseless. It was inevitable that the following movies would explain the Matrix more, but I liked it more when some things were left in the dark. Hugo Weaving is awesome. If someone his age can "do" martial arts, then it's not too late for me to become a jujitsu master. The best Agent Smith bit is that scene where he interrogates Morpheus. This movie had the best black eyewear.

He's full name is Charles Lee Ray? How lame... Confession, I've never seen a Chucky film and I have no intention of seeing one. Just from the picture I can tell what the plot will be. Chucky however, is very iconic. He put an end to the fuzzy, cuddly rep that dolls have. He can wield an axe. Does anybody know what fuels his need for carnage? I take comfort in the fact that he doesn't even reach my knee, and I could kick him til his doll eyes fall out. (although they might have written that in one of the movies already and Chucky found a way around it... oh well)

Wile E. Coyote
If any villain ever really really needed our sympathy, The Coyote would be it. He eternally falls off a canyon, gets smashed under a rock, has a dynamite explode in his face, etc etc, and usually because of his failed ACME devices. As a kid, I always thought, if he's hungry, why doesn't he just use the money he spends on those ACME products on say a pizza delivery? It dawned on me that the roadrunner was his Holy Grail. I can't wait for that episode where he finally catches the roadrunner. I can't stand the roadrunner's obnoxious Beep! Beep!

I only root for fictional villains because in fiction, the good guys always win. In reality, the bad guys control the world... and being true to who I am, I root for the under dogs, the good guys.

Oh and by the way, To two of my favorite English instructors born on this day:
Happy Birthday Ely
Happy Birthday Cheerie

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posted by Alternati, 9:46 PM

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My Stay at Potter's Bed and Breakfast
Multi-Million Dollar Babies
In a Fishbowl
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