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Sarcasm Aside

random thoughts of a self-diagnosed neurotic with the attention span of a five-year old... a blog by Alternati

I (Heart) Lexpionage

Thursday, September 28, 2006

by: once and future (flickr)

Fashionistas anticipate the latest line of Cavalli (PETA does a cameo) with drawn credit cards. Techies are itching to swap their so-called obsolete gear with the latest laptop, cellular phone or iPod models. Movie buffs pull every necessary string, blackmail even, to get premier tickets. Dorks, like me, anticipate the newest words that enter our lexicon.

My infatuation with new words is fueled by my longstanding petition to add heshe, hisher and himmer into our vocabulary. I have always found putting the "/" or the or" tedious. When a customer arrives, He/she will be standing here and you will take his or her luggage. Put the luggage in this shelf so that when he or she asks for it, you could return it to him/her easily. Now, the terms I'm proposing are compounded into one word, I always get confused if the slashed ones are read he or she... or he slash she. It would be a lot easier on a writer or speaker if heshe can add these words in hisher word list.

My little lexpionage produced these results:

n. An extremely annoying individual moving slowly and aimlessly infront of you, especially when you are in a hurry. [from: meander + neanderthal]
i.e. "Get out of my way!!! You frickin meanderthal!"
Not only will you get your point across and vent your rage, but you might also possibly confuse the meanderthal and cause his nose to bleed trying to understand what you just said.

n. A song stuck in one's head, more specifically an frustratingly awful one. [from: German Ohrwurm, credited to James Kellaris]
i.e. "Mmmbop is the worst earworm. Why can't earworms be good, tasteful songs?"
Sheesh... now that I've mentioned that stupid song, I'm hearing the high-pitched rubbish in my head. Arrgghh!!

n. A single continuous brow resulting from the growing together of eyebrows.
i.e. "You're starting to grow a unibrow, a little tweezing is in order"
The most famous woman sporting a unibrow is mexican artist Frida Kahlo. Other notable unibrowed charcters are Bert from Sesame Street, Groundskeeper Willy of The Simpsons and Count Olaf of the Lemony Snickets books. I personally do not believe in unibrows. On a guy it's distracting, but on a girl it's just downright horrendous.

n. The artful shaving and trimming of a male's body hair.
i.e. "Chris Cornell has one of the best looking manscaped beards"
A male tool for the unibrow.

n. The tendency to assume that the anxiety felt by affluent mothers who have to choose between staying at home and pursuing a career is felt by every mother regardless of socio-economic status. [coined by Sandra Tsing Loh]
i.e. "Afflufemza sure is a mouthful"
This isn't a particularly beautiful word but its ugliness seems fit for the phenomena it describes.

n. The deliberate avoidance of news media, particularly to relieve stress.
i.e. "I'm newsfasting, everytime I watch TV Patrol all I get is crap and a splitting headache"
Since the millenium started, I have been on a newsfast. They don't show the events that really matter, they sensationalize and regurgitate the "newsworthy" ones, and everything is just all too depressing. The highlight of the primetime local news is a large snake they found somewhere.

v. To make a phone call, usually embarassing, while inebriated.
i.e. "Before I get really drunk, please make sure I never, under any circumstance, drunk-dial my ex"
We've all been there, alcohol sure can make us say things propriety doesn't let us. Another version of this is drunk-text (SMS instead of a phone call) and pseudo-drunk-text (pretending to be drunk in an SMS so you can discuss taboo topics and have drunkenness as an excuse)

n. A bride-to-be who, while planning her wedding, becomes exceptionally selfish, greedy and obnoxious.
i.e. "Honey, the dresses of the bridesmaids don't take the attention away from you... Don't become a bridezilla or you'll scare the groom"

n. A stupid person or one with a closed mind.
i.e. "Jeepney drivers in traffic can be such zipperheads"
Closed mind... zippers... blah... Let's just tattoo "YKL" on their foreheads.

n. A man who is extremely goodlooking but disappointingly unintelligent or superficial.
i.e. "I think being a himbo is a prerequisite when you wanna be an Abercrombie & Fitch model"
Him + Bimbo. Do the math.

Sometimes we can go too far with neologisms producing obscure and cheesy words like wordrobe, mouse potato, freemium or chillax. But then again, George Orwell's neologism then, Big Brother (which I personally find a tad unimaginative), has been integrated into the English language and is now a Reality show on its 7th season. Chillax may have a future... ullkk... Just saying it in my head makes me gag.

I love neologisms because they simplify something that would usually take a phrase to convey. New words keep the language from going bland. They engage your usually spoon fed brain and they immortalize certain events or works of cinema and literature. But most of all when the time is juuuuust right, adjectives like bootylicious, fugly, and half-assed are just simply, utterly, undescribably... perfect.

Word Spy
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